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Apr 2023

On culture & Pronouns

I feel uncomfortable addressing people, or being addressed with "Sir" and "Madam". The colonial undertones have made me make a point to not use the terms unless an institution mandates so- which most Indian educational settings happen to have a culture of.

I would rather prefer Mahodaya-Mahoday(Still widely used in Parliamentary and legal proceedings, along with Hindi medium schools- and to my delight- BHU).

But then you realize, Hindi too was popularized by the British to establish a common language for better rule in the North - with Khadi Hindi eventually becoming an Indicator of Upward Social mobility- As was English in the South.

Makes me not want to use it either- along with the fact that the last time I used it, it was seen as an expression of sarcasm and that- did not end well for me.

Addressing people directly by their names is something I experimented with- Something I've found to be pretty common in the Bengaluru Startup Culture- which seems to have absorbed a lot of its values from Silicon Valley- and by a function of it- the USA itself.

Good, You eliminated hierarchy in pure progressive spirit, and being a fan of Thoreau, Stirner, Proudhon and Kroptikin myself- I'm a bit like you all too (Get the joke).

Still, my encultured mind- or as Alok Nath would say- Sanskar- makes it difficult to follow direct name addressal. Worse, English does not even have different ways of addressing people you respect- the difference between "Tum" and "Aap".

This expression too is seemingly outdated- I see kids these days addressing their fathers with "tum", which makes me fairly uncomfortable- only to be reminded that I address my mother with tum, because my father did, with my mother addressing him with aap. One win over patriarchy then, I guess.

I still wish we do not lose aap- as I struggle with addressing my mother by the same because- um, we both got weirded out the last time I decided I'll "overcome" my conditioning. Talk about institutionalization. Not that she does not deserve that "aap", it is just really hard to go back.

There are many other expressions which I find lovely- "Raura" (Parallel of aap) in Bhojpuri, and "San" from Japanese- happen to be among them.

This recognition of complexity in relationships is pretty distinct in Eastern collectivistic cultures- and definitely adds more colour and flavour to language- in a layered yet sophisticated way.

I wonder how easy is it to offend someone owing to cultural differences -varying definitions of right and wrong, varying degrees of acceptance of opposing values, and consistent dissonance.

I still do not have an answer to my dilemma, the easiest way is to fit in and follow context- but it gets very difficult when you know the implications of language and what it represents- our personal and cultural realities- however small, underrepresented, outdated or hard to accept they may be.

And kids, that's why pronouns are important.